#FREE

#FREE

WHO IS SLATE???

you know that short skinny girl, that says whatever the heck she wants? she is SLATE! she is #FREE

Concrete Rose

Concrete Rose
I've been through the darkest of the hells....ive been the ugliest duckling...and yet ive grown into a beautiful woman....i am the rose that grew through the concrete

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Vulnerable Prayers...

Theres nothing more uncomfortable than feeling vulnerable....i feel myself falling into this stage of  constant vulnerability....my vulnerability has been caused my the everlasting feeling of "no love"...that moment when you've made a major accomplishment or you've been in the emergency room all night because you are sick and no one gives a DAMN....you walk through the door waiting for that comfort or you wait for that phone call for acknowledgement and you NEVER get it from the people that matter the most...FAMILY...i have been fighting and battling with my body to cooperate with me and after hospital visit after visit, test after test, after my body has been turned into a lab experiment and i walk through that door to my home and nobody gives a damn...my body is tired, my mind is tired, i know that with the strength that God provides me with that i will make it...but its times like this when you need people the most, and when you cant even get a hug from your mother because she is stuck into her own selfish blurr that's when you know that the only person you have is God....i know that God will get me through this mess, i feel God in my heart, i know that God will make me better and give ME the strength to overcome whatever is taking over my health...throughout this whole ordeal over the years i have NEVER been scared...because i am more than positive that God will provide, but throughout this whole ordeal i have always been sad because i have no one physically...my body is sick, and I'm not scared, the only thing that i can continue to do is keep my faith....and not let this state of vulnerability lead to irrational decisions...

Saturday, August 25, 2012

BLACK and WHITE

 Found myself listening to some good music today, actually it was by mistake, ever found yourself listening to music and the entire time your soul is being fed by those lyrics and you get lost into the melody you find your mind thinking about ONE person...everything is so BLACK and WHITE, my thoughts are so unclear, i wish everyone would stop asking me questions or trying to find a way to make everything okay, im grateful but at the sametime im angry, sad, hurt, and in consolable, i need this time to get my thoughts together and its hard to do that when everyone is in your face, the month of August has always been the hardest month for me for 3 years now, i just want to go away for a while, as i stated before everything is so unclear, my world is so unclear and nothing makes sense AT ALL but theres only ONE thing that am certain about....

"Since I Lost My Baby"
-Luther Vandross

[Chorus:]
The sun is shining, there's plenty of light
A new day is dawning, sunny and bright
But after I've been crying all night
The sun is cold and the new day seems old
Since I lost my baby
Oh since I lost my baby

The birds are singing and the children are playing
There's plenty of work and the bosses are paying
Not a sad word should a young heart be saying
But fun is a bore
And with money I'm poor
Since I lost my baby (Since I lost my baby)
Oh since I lost my baby
My baby, my baby, my baby
Next time I'll be kinder, to my lady
Won't you please help me find her (I've got to find that girl)
Someone just remind her
Of this love she left behind her
Til I find her I'll be trying to
Everyday I'm growing kinder
Tryin' to find her,find her
Inclined to find my baby (My baby)
I've been looking everywhere (My baby)
Hey baby I really really care

My determination is fading fast
So fast, so fast so fast
Exploration is a thing of the past
I can't see how my hope's gonna last
Good things are bad and what's happy is sad
So sad, so sad, so sad

[Chorus and Fade]


Friday, August 24, 2012

....when words FAIL...music SPEAKS




"WRONG SIDE OF A LOVE SONG" - MELANIE FIONA



Where were you, when I needed a friend
Thought I could be strong
Never knew I'd be so alone
A heart breaker, most of my life
Suddenly all changed
The moment you left me
And walked out my life
I tried to play cool
But instead I was playing myself
What you gotta know about me
Is I'm dying in this lonely hell

And I don't wanna be without you
Cause I can't hardly breathe without you
This is what it feels to be the one
Who's standing left behind
How did I become the wrong side of a love song?

Baby, I'm a mess
Out of every piece and part of me
You were always the best
But instead I was leaving you here alone
But I didn't mean it,
No, I didn't mean it
Now i'm begging baby come home

And you got me singing Why?
Why you wanna make me cry
I'll be thinking 'bout you
Got me dreaming 'bout you
Every single day and night

And I don't wanna be without you
Cause I can't hardly breathe without you
This is what it feels to be the one
Who's standing left behind
How did I become the wrong side of a love song?

How
Baby... hmmmm
Wanna know, why?
Can you tell me why?
Said that you'll be there for me
Said you care for me
So why you gotta say goodbye

And I don't wanna be without you
Cause I can hardly breathe without you
This is what it feels to be the one
Who's standing left behind
How did I become the wrong side of a love song?

Whyyyy
Why, why, why, oh oh oh
Oh!
Oh I need you
Oh baby oh baby
Need



Tuesday, August 21, 2012

 

 

 

re·morse[ri-mawrs]  noun
1. deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction.
2. Obsolete . pity; compassion




As I sit here and try to contemplate and make sense of recent hurt, as i sit here and try to fool myself about the truth...i sit here all alone as the tears never seem to stop, staring at a suicide letter dated to God 2 weeks ago, my soul hurts, my chest is tight, my mind is heavy and my body is tired...to the outside world im happy, healthy, smiling and free, on the inside i have to deal with the constant thought of knowing that my time on this earth isnt much longer and i hold in my screams i just want to say "Oh God WHY ME?!" see this isn't a mystery i fought my way into this world at a wopping 2 Ilbs and it was known ever since that day that my days might not be long, ive known since 10 grade that one day i'd be free several years later im find myself sometimes begging to be freed. God granted me with a big heart...and im not just talking literally...i love so many people nearly everyone i meet, i love strangers i even love my enemies, i love people so easily because my of my heart. Most of the time my heart beats fast, sometimes slow from time to time it almost stops and its all beyond my control, sometimes i faint and i cant even remember why or how it happened. But one thing that i have never done is be stingy with my heart, my heart thats inside of my chest may be weak but it loves and it loves deep...and most of the time people take my heart for granted they take selfish advantage of my heart because they know that no matter what happens my heart will still accept them, most people call me dumb i call it "living"...sometimes i gets hard because i know that one day it'll stop beating and my family and love ones will all miss me, i try to fight this battle as long and as hard as i can and i try to forgive the ignorant, i not always right and people in this world wont always treat me right, but i was effortlessly equipped to forgive, as i sit here and think the only word that comes to mind is "remorse"...this world is dirty and this world is harsh and one thing that i've learned the hard way is that everyone isn't the same, i thought that because i was made so unselfishly that others would be the same...FALSE... people will make you equivalent to dirt and do it all while smiling in your , people will hurt you and lie to you without feeling any type of remorse, people lie and scheme behind your back and will smile in your face with the most innocent and honest smile and when everything comes to light and all is said and done there is no remorse, when times get hard for me i try to make the battle my own instead of placing it all in the hands of the lord, i know that my actions aren't always right but when you've presented the real you to a person and when everything finally comes to true you find out that you've been the only one without a mask on thats when the anger unfolds, sometimes the worries and the trials of my world become to much and most recently i felt as though i could not endure another battle and i asked God to bring me home, dealing with the ugliness of the world on top of my heart getting tired was just becoming too much...

Friday, August 17, 2012

NOTE TO SELF:

GOD IS IN THE MIDST OF ALL OF THINGS...

Found myself getting weary...had to remind myself that "...this too shall pass..."

Monday, August 6, 2012

The SINGLE friend



  "The SINGLE friend" these harsh 3 words can be the most hard set reality to a woman longing for love. Having to carry around the title of being the "Single Friend" is far from luxury, and even though us females may laugh and joke about about being that friend, it actually one of our biggest fears. I know you may witness females fronting saying "independent" this and "I don't need a nigga for shit"  that  and at night they're feeling like crap when they are laying in bed alone hugging they're pillows and praying for God to send them a "good man"...Being the single friend is down right HELL on earth, i know you're sitting there thinking to yourself "Well how does Slate know so much about being the Single Friend?" and the answer to that question is pretty simple, i know so much about being the "Single Friend" because i AM the "Single Friend" yep i said it! I am the friend that NEVER has dates and is always available for "girls night out"! There nothing to exciting about this lifestyle except for the fact that i have to answer to NO one! i can do whatever i want whenever i want without having to get permission from my other half.  Yes i am, independent and no i don't need a "nigga for shit" but trust me its not by choice. Theres many reasons why a female is the SINGLE friend, heres a few: either she resents men because of a abusive past, shes BITTER,  she boujie (she deserves to be single and will never get a man), she's a low key closeted lesbian, she's insecure (she'll never get a man), shes a HOE, shes a goldigger, she scared, and lastly but def not LEAST she has BAD personal hygiene (I'm sorry but nobody wants a woman with stench, ewwww)...now i know you're thinking to yourself which category do i fall in, WELL lets see...i have had an abusive past with men ,but that's not the reason, I'm def NOT bitter, and i keeps the cookie clean, cut, and fresh so i DEF don't have bad hygiene, truth be told i fall into the dreaded  SCARED category, one thing about it, i didn't fall into this category by choice, the way i became so scared is simple...past hurt; i let past situations of being hurt, lied to and even being downright degraded push me into this box. I feel like if i stay inside this box of no expectations and being defensive with every guy that shows some interest in me that it would shield me from heartache and would provide me the "upper hand" when in actuality this fear has put me in a world of loneliness with too many girls nights out and free drinks....i have come to a point where i have to stop being scared and i have to stop letting what happened in the past consume my thoughts and my emotions. I know that making this transition is the least bit easy, as a matter of fact i know that its hard, just to get back to that point where i can love freely with thinking about the "what ifs" and beating myself up if something goes wrong. I know that making this transition will be a task for me but it will also be a test of patience for a man that has interest in me, if he cares and he wants me in his life then he has to be willing to walk through this journey with me. A man that can help me overcome my fear of being scared to love is def a man that is worth my time...I know that with the help and guidance from God that i can make my transition from being "The Single friend" to being the friend that is  finally"Complete"...