Sunday, September 26, 2010
Drunken Confession: SO its like almost 7 && I'm still up!!Like what the EFF!!! I got home like 3 hours ago && had to sit around an extra until my extra drunk friends took a chance with their lives && drove home....young && dumb!! I swear God has like mini angels surrounding us! Those bitches still never called or text me to let me know that they made it home. ANY WHO like I'm still UP!!! i think after Ive gave heavy mouth to mouth to my toilet bowl that i would be able to rest but I'm sure the hypnotic,vodka && crack in a can (four loko) is still running through my veins. I was the life of the party tonight, i even got a job offer to be a go go dancer && i didn't even break my overly priced stilettos this time. The guys tried to holla && i was a social butterfly, I'm a beautiful girl lord knows i am....ask any guy in Orlando or ask the hating ghetto bitches that stay on my shit, I'm am pretty cute...i just don't understand one thing about myself. "why is it that i can only talk to guys when i am intoxicated?" Like what the fuck? It never fails, if I'm sober && a nice young man is trying to talk to me or even looks like he's about to approach me , i hide, i look the other way, or i put my infamous"don't fuck with me" unit on. Its just so confusing && actually its weird as shit! && crazy because I've let a few "potential" bf's get away....me intoxicated isn't a reflection of my character. My exterior is naturally confident by nature, heredity, MAC cosmetics && a few extensions from time to time, BUT my interior is afraid, my heart is afraid to broken, my pride && ego wont tolerate possible rejection. I have shielded myself from feelings, i wont allow myself to fall for him because what if he hurts me? what if i let my guard down, trust him && he fucks me over? what if i give all my time and energy to him and i allow myself to welcome commitment and he just leads me on and commitment is the last thing on his mind? I just cant put my heart on the line....so am i taking a risk at being single and lonely for the rest of my life? DAMN welp i feel it coming, time for some more mouth to mouth with a lucky commode.